Sorrow's Musings
by bottlecaps
Summary: Tyson and Rei try to patch the shattered fragements of their life back together again. Each must overcome personal tragedies that led to selfharm. TyRei fluffness.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a one shot. I'm thinking about making it a two shot, but I really don't know. I have to see how many reviews I get from this. Suicide mentions, swearing and self mutilation in this chapter. If you don't like it, don't read it. I would tell you the pairing, but the details will give it away do I'm going to leave it like that. Read and hopefully review.**

'No one has noticed me. Not even my so-called friends. I feel like I'm walking around half dead.' Rei thought as he gripped the razor tightly in his hand. Part of Rei told him to resist, to fight the urge to cut and bleed; the only signs he now tested to see if he was really alive.

But the cool metal in his fist gleamed maliciously, tempting him. He soon gave in, savoring the fiery burning sensation as the blade sliced effortlessly through his pale skin and the icy feel of his own crimson fluid trickling down his arms.

He did this to rid himself of confusion and emotions. Voices spun inside his head, laughing at him. Making fun of him. Taunting him. He cut more, harder and faster, his pulse racing as every beat of his scarred heart sent blood coursing through his body and out of the open wounds.

'What in the hell am I doing to myself?' he thought. Rei stood up, pocketing his old friend. He dusted off his tattered black pants. He looked at them and then wiped the blood off his arms.

'The blood isn't visible. Good. But it's not like they would notice anyway. They have their own lives.' he thought, cruel sarcasm biting his words.

He pulled down his black sweater sleeves and then stared for a moment. "Since when did I start taking an interest in black?" he asked himself.

Rei walked slowly, unnoticeably, out of the dark alley he had been sitting in. He heard a low rumbling growl. He glanced briefly at the sky. It seemed to magically darken and within moments Rei was soaked to the bone.

Now he glared at the clouds, hoping in vain that they would obey his silent command to stop dumping water on him. They didn't. Rei sighed, letting the rain batter him. A thousand tiny needles stabbed at his skin but he ignored it, having gone through much worse pain as a child.

No one except himself knew about his abusive past. Beatings, curses, stinging slaps. Those had been a huge part of Rei's every day life. As long as he could remember he was always abused. Disliked because he was different. A neko jin. A boy neko jin. He stopped, his mind replaying a scene from his memories.

**flashback sequence**

"Hey! What are you doing, hm?" a child's voice rang.

A six-year-old Rei looked up from his spot on the bridge. He had been dangling a small stick inside the sluggishly flowing water, trying to poke the giant fish that inhabited the small stream.

"Catching fish. Want to help?" Rei grinned, showing two small pointed fangs.

"Ahhhhh! Mommy. It's a vampire. Look." screamed the little boy, running to his mother a few feet away. She scooped up the child and looked at Rei in disgust before walking away.

Tears formed in Rei's big golden eyes and he wiped them away with small hands. Sobbing lightly, he resumed his position, swinging his legs back and forth over the pale blue water. He couldn't understand why everyone pointed out his teeth and strange eye coloring. He didn't think that his tiny little fangs made him any different that an ordinary child.

**end flashback sequence**

Rei walked along the street, towards a place he thought of often. He made several turns before coming to a stop at the beach. He walked along the sand, the salty scent of the sea flooded Rei's nose and he relaxed. Looking around, he saw that he was alone. Then he spotted a sign that read "3rd shark attack. Swim at your own risk.."

'So that's why the beach is deserted. I wonder. I wonder if I could die here.' he thought, shaking his head up and down. He liked that idea. It wasn't like he had anything to lose. His parents were dead. He had no other family relatives. 'Except.' he sighed. 'Except Tyson. I wonder if he'll ever know how much I love him.'

Images of the blue haired teenager filled his head. In each one of them he was smiling. Until the very end. Max and Kai had begun to notice subtle changes in the boy. How he no longer bladed and how he always seemed so sad and distant. Tyson never hung around anymore. He preferred to walk alone. Kai finally said something after he missed a practice meet.

**Conversation-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"**Tyson! Why did you skip practice? You know we might have another tournament coming up and it's really important that we train."**

**Tyson looked at the ground, trying to decide what to say.**

"**Answer me Tyson."**

**He still said nothing. **

"**Double practice tomorrow. And I will be supervising." Kai ordered, looking at Tyson.**

**Kai glared at the boy in front of him, but he was really trying to find out what was wrong.**

"**You don't understand Kai! You wouldn't understand anything! Just leave me the hell alone because the last time I checked, you weren't my mother!" Tyson yelled, looking Kai in the face. Kai gasped at the empty vacant look in Tyson's eyes, but it went unnoticed.**

**Rei and Max stared at him, shocked by his sudden outburst. **

"**Tyson." Max said softly and started to place a hand on his best friend's shoulder. Tyson yanked away, and then started running. He disappeared down the street, the setting sun at his back.**

**End conversation---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

That was when Rei first realized his feelings for Tyson. It took pain from the one he loved to make him see that. He turned his back on the once inviting jump from the beach cave and started towards the parking lot. ' I need to help Tyson.' he thought as he left the beach behind and entered the city.

'I guess it's time to pay a visit to someone.' decided Rei. Shoving his hands into his pockets, carefully avoiding the razor although he didn't know why, he walked down the street. Wind blew the rain down even harder. Now instead of small, needle like pains he felt giant, knife stabs.

He spotted a cheesy looking flower shop and decided to enter it. Walking in, the warm air blowing from shop's heater blasted him in the face. Rei was tempted to push up his sleeves, but then remembered the dozen or so cuts that crossed both arms.

"Can I help you with anything?" came a voice. Rei turned to see a woman wearing a dark plaid shirt and black baggy pants. Dark make up outlined most of her facial features and Rei decided she was gothic.

He shook his head from side to side and continued searching. A small red flowerpot with a tiny Bonsai tree caught his eye. Picking it up, he saw the price and nearly dropped the pot.

'They want 18 bucks for this thing? Damn... Wait. When did I start swearing?' he thought, momentarily off track.

"It's half off." issued the woman who had now come to stand beside him. Rei thought he saw a glint of metal and confirmed it as she spoke again. "Everything here is half off."

"Nice tongue ring." commented Rei.

"Thanks. Its shaped like a heart, see?" she stuck out her tongue and a solid silver heart appeared. She flicked it back into her mouth.

"Will you take that?" she pointed to the plant.

Rei thought quickly.

"Yeah. Sure." Rei felt in his pocket, fingering the change he had inside.

'I hope I have enough.' he thought as he handed the woman some folded dollar bills. She counted quickly and then said.

"You need 50 more cents."

Rei shoved his hand deeper inside his pocket but the only thing he felt was a hole and some lint. He pulled his hand out, still empty.

"I don't have any more money." he said, eyes downcast.

"It's alright. Just take it and go." she thrust the pot at him and only with his trained neko jin instincts was he able to catch it.

"Thank you." he whispered and then forced himself outside, noticing the torrential downpour had now lessened to a fine mist. Rei wondered along, turning here and there. Finally, he arrived at his destination. He stared upward and read the wrought iron arches over the entranceway.

Dying Roses Cemetery

"Odd name for a cemetery." he mumbled to himself.

The place was deserted as far as he could tell. He saw no people as he made his way carefully around the many rows of tombstones. Reading quickly as he walked, he came to a halt as he found the one he was looking for.

Weeds had grown over the smooth black marbled tombstone, hiding the name and inscriptions. Rei bent down and tore the vines away and silently read the words carved into the stone.

_Reyna Lindsey Kon _

An angel, a daughter, a beloved sister.

_May she rest forever in eternal peace and happiness_.

May '89 - May ' 97

Fighting back tears, he traced the words.

"Reyna. We were the best of friends. And the best of siblings too. You and I spent our whole lives together. You were the only one who stuck up for me. You didn't judge me because of how I looked." he spoke to himself and the person buried beneath the grave. Carefully he placed the miniature tree beside the smooth cold marble.

Just then, he heard a twig snap and he turned around. His eyes darted quickly, searching his surroundings. Some distance away, he saw a figure bending over a stone on a hill. Using his sharp eyes, he tried to make out every detail on the person. 'Navy hair, red and blue cap. Could that be? Is that Tyson?' he thought.

A wind drifted, bringing the scent of saline across the grounds into Rei's nose. 'Is he crying?' Rei stood up and began walking towards him.

'It is Tyson. Perhaps he has a loved one buried here too.'

"Tyson." he spoke out softly. Tyson whirled around, taking several involuntary steps away from a headstone.

"Oh. Rei. Its only you." he said, wiping back tears that stained his cheeks. "You scared me for a second there. What are you doing here?"

"Visiting a long lost friend." Rei whispered slowly.

Looking at Tyson in the face he gasped silently. The eyes that had once been so shiny and filled with life were a dull muddy brown. And that was when Rei noticed Tyson's appearance. Tyson was wearing dark blue jeans, held up by two studded black belts. A baggy grey sweatshirt hung on his frame. He looked... thinner. A lot thinner. The only way he knew for sure he was Tyson was the trademark baseball cap. He never took it off.

"Well, I guess I should be going now." said Tyson and started to walk away.

"Don't go Tyson. Tell me what's wrong and maybe I can help." Rei spoke, grabbing Tyson's arm.

He winced visibly as he did so and Rei looked at him strangely.

"Tyson. Are you cutting?" he asked, pulling Tyson towards him. A dark red stain grew on the sleeve where Rei had grabbed him. Tyson just stared at it, watching with cloudy eyes.

"Tyson. Look at me! Are you cutting?" Rei couldn't understand why Tyson would do something like that. Especially Tyson. Rei had noticed the gradual decline in the boy's mannerisms. He no longer hung out with Max, Kai, or Rei and often wondered alone by himself. Rei couldn't even remember the last time Tyson had launched Dragoon. All interest in beyblading seemed to have disappeared from him.

Rei crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. Slowly, Tyson shook his head up and down.

"Why, Tyson? Why would you do something like that?" he demanded softly.

"You do it too Rei. Don't think I haven't noticed. I'm much smarter than people seem to think I am." said Tyson angrily.

Rei stared, shocked by the anger in Tyson's voice. 'Not Tyson. This can't be Tyson. My Tyson?' he thought. 'If only you knew how much I loved you. I don't want to see you like this.'

"Talk." ordered Rei, sitting down on a bench underneath a tree. Tyson followed suit. The wind blew, causing the teens' hair to fly gently.

"There isn't anything to talk about." sighed Tyson depressingly. "I'm tired of living in hell and I want to be free. I want to die, Rei, but something keeps stopping me."

Rei sat, looking as confused as Tyson felt.

"What stops you, Tyson? What stops you from falling over the edge?" he asked, yellow eyes shone helplessly. "I can't help if..."

"You, Rei. You stop me from killing myself." Tyson interrupted.

'So he does return the feelings.'

"Tyson." whispered Rei. Before he knew what he was doing, he pulled the younger boy into a hug. He felt wetness and knew that Tyson was crying. Emptying himself of the pain, self hatred, and anger he had locked away for so long.

For the first time in a long time, Tyson felt free. But he knew it wouldn't last. The depression would come back, consuming him fully until he was nothing but a pile of bones.

"I love you, Rei." Tyson whispered into his ear.

"I love you too." Rei replied warmly. He released Tyson from his hold.

"Let me see your scars, Tyson." asked Rei.

Tyson lifted up both sleeves and showed Rei the many scars that crisscrossed and zigzagged along them.

"I can use both hands." he stated.

"So can I." Rei pushed up black sleeves to show the dark lines that marred his skin.

Tyson laughed slightly.

"We're both a bunch of loonies." laughed Tyson softly.

"But maybe I like being a loonie." teased Rei.

"I've never seen the humorous side of you."

"That's because I don't have one." he replied, suddenly solemn as if it was something he regretted.

"Tell me who you came to visit." Rei asked, changing the subject.

"I'd rather not. Nobody else knows except me. Not even grandpa knows." his grave reply held little life in it. As if he was nothing but a hollow shell, a former version of himself.

"Tyson.." Rei stopped, unsure of what to say next. Suddenly Tyson stood up, tugging Rei with him.

He led him over to the tan headstone he had previously been looking at. Rei read the short inscription.

Takao l. kinomiya

To the brother I've known so long.

You are never lost.

August ' 90 - April '98

"My brother." whispered Tyson. "My twin brother."

A light comfortable silence passed as Rei tried to think of something to say. Before he could ask Tyson answered.

"Why keep this from everyone? Because they didn't need to know. It is part of my past I both accept and deny. He had a fatal heart defect. The doctors didn't think he would make it past 5 years old. But Takao fought to live with a ferocity that stunned even us. He died."

"Ty. I know there is something else you aren't telling me. Something else that is upsetting you."

Tyson smiled briefly at the nickname before sadness replaced it. His brother used to call him that.

"Takao died on April 17."

Rei blinked, missing the point. Tyson glanced at Rei and knew he didn't understand.

"Rei." he stopped to heave back a sob. "I was born on April 17."

Suddenly Rei understood. Tyson's eyes became watery and then hugged Rei with all his might.

"It, it wasn't fair. He.. He passed away... on his own birthday. On our birthday." he choked out.

Rei returned the hug, trying desperately to heal his broken lover. 'I don't think there is anything worse than having a sibling die on your birthday. Poor Ty. I have to be strong for him. And I need to stop cutting if I want to do that.'

"Rei. I'm going to go away after I leave here. I just can't take life any more. I want to end my pain and suicide is the only way to do it."

"Ty. NO! You can't do that. What about us? What about our relationship?" Rei exclaimed.

Tyson smiled, a small smile. A ghost of a smile. There really wasn't anything of him left at all. He was broken, his soul shattered into millions of tiny pieces. You could see it in his eyes. Empty on the inside as well as out. Fragments remained, proving to Tyson that he was alive instead of just a walking corpse.

"That's why. That's why I wanted to know if you would come with me. We could leave together and not have to worry about all of our problems anymore. Come with me Rei." said Tyson. Another smile graced his lips before disappearing behind a massive amount of burdens and pain.

"Ty. You need help. We need help. But I don't think there is one person who could help us more than each other. I'm not giving up on life just yet." Rei stated.

"It's just so hard." explained Tyson. "Every time I see something shiny I want to cut myself. Every time someone comments about my weight I want to go stuff myself and puke. Every time I feel confused, I want to scream and cry. I need help, Rei. But I don't know how and right now everything just seems so hopeless. I just want to break down and cry and release it all and I can't. I still keep holding it in."

Rei was silent for a moment and then spoke.

"Tyson. I know things are hard for you right now. Things are hard for me too. I used to think about killing myself as a child all the time. I never told about my childhood, did I?"

"No. Do you want to tell me?"

"Sit down. I'll talk." ordered Rei and they both sat down. And then, Rei's past was finally revealed.

He talked about the day of his birth. How at two years old, his father abandoned him and his mother was left to look after him. How Rei also had a sister. A girl named Reyna whom his mother favored instead of Rei. He explained that male neko jins were rare and frowned upon. It gave men a sort of feministic quality. That was he had such delicate features such as a slight yet sturdy frame and light skin. And how he was constantly whipped, beaten and punished for things he hadn't done. Abused and a victim of racism, he was often left alone. Locked outside of the very place he was born and raised, the only one who did not turn away from him was his sister Reyna. She helped him in more ways than possible. If it hadn't been for her, he never would've made it as far as he had now.

A light mist began to fall and Rei felt it dampen his shirt. Standing up again, he stretched and held out his hand to Tyson who took it with questions in his eyes.

"Let me show you why I'm here." he answered simply. Rei led his boyfriend down the hill and over to the place where he first came.

He pointed down the wet marble slab and Tyson's eyes moved slowly as he read the name.

"She was your sister." he said, more of a statement than a question.

Rei nodded silently. He waited for the tears but the never came. He stood, empty of emotions, in front of the very person that had kept him alive for so long. He couldn't understand. It was like all the light had just vanished from his world.

He felt the need to cut again, but his feelings for Tyson now that they were together tore him in two. He fingered the metal blade inside his pocket and wished profoundly that it wasn't there. 'Reyna would be so disappointed in me, but I suppose it isn't any good to dwell on the past.' Rei thought as the desire to cut grew stronger. If he didn't do something he was going to crack and loose control. He glanced around quickly, hoping to find some sort of building or something.

"Tyson, I have to use the bathroom." he announced quickly as he spotted two portipotties side by side.

"Okay. I'll be hear waiting." Tyson indicated to the ground and then plopped himself upon it, not caring if the wet grass stained his pants.

Rei walked slowly, trying not to arouse suspicion from his lover. He sighed when he made it safely inside the plastic blue building. The stink tortured his nose, but soon he was filled with ecstacy as coppery scented blood rushed down his arms in torrents. He embraced the pain, willing it to clear his mind. It was almost as if he bathed in it to remove the sins he committed. Strangely, he felt a tingling sensation and icy air blasted him in the face. A brilliant light flashed and before him he saw none other than his sister, Reyna.

"Why are you doing this Rei? I saved you as a child. It isn't time for you to go yet." a beautiful voice came from the even more beautiful spirit.

"Reyna?" Rei gasped, forgetting about the razor. "Are you...alive?"

"No, Rei. You only see me in your mind's eye. You must not do this. You have loved ones. I left because I had to shed my tired body. You, you have a young body, a healthy body. " the soft voice echoed.

"But Rey..."

"Stop this." she gestured to the blood that now stained his fair skin. "You have a loved one to take care of. Good-bye." the sweet gentle hands of his sister touched his cheek, gliding through his solid flesh as if it were only an image. Then, her hands felt his arm and squeezed lightly. Another brilliant flash of light and Rei stared. The spirit of his sister had healed his fresh cuts, and the scars that once painted his arms had disappeared.

She hovered in the air, watching Rei as his examined his arms.

"Thank you, Reyna. For giving me another chance." he managed to whisper. Silent tears of happiness mixed with those of grief. She smiled. A genuine smile that only she possessed.

"Good-bye Rei. I'll always be with you." and Reyna slowly faded away.

"NO!" he cried, grasping the place where she had been. He looked and seeing only air, he started to cry harder. He stopped, suddenly, as if someone had turned off a faucet inside him. Rei realized he could sense his sister's presence all around him, even though he couldn't see her. He could have sworn he heard her laughter inside his mind. Then he realized that no matter where he was, a part of his sister would always remain with him.

Rei threw the blade into the toilet at watched it sink. Pulling down his sleeves, he walked out of the tiny portable stall and towards Tyson.

Tyson was contemplating suicide. He knew exactly where to cut but there was only one problem. Rei. He loved Rei more than anything in the world and didn't want to leave his only hope at salvation. Grasping his right sweater sleeve he yanked it up. Tyson traced the light blue veins in his arm.

'You don't deserve Rei.' came a malicious voice from his head.

'Yes I do. He loves me.' Tyson shot back.

'You couldn't save your parents. What makes you think you can save him?'

'No!' Tyson cried, trying to block the screams that echoed throughout his mind. He couldn't he felt his body freeze as scenes from his past flashed through his mind.

**Flashback-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"**Tyson! Tyson wake up, the house is on fire! We have to get out now!" yelled Hiro, flinging the door to Tyson's room open. **

"**Mommy!" a four year old Tyson cried. Scrambling out of bed wide awake, he noticed for the first time the yellowish red tinge his room had. He breathed in smoke and coughed.**

"**Mommy. I can't see you!" he stumbled around blindly, unable to see in the smoke filled room. Suddenly, an arm grasped his and pulled Tyson down into the hallway. He felt a wet cloth being pressed against his face. **

"**Leave this against your mouth. It will make it easier to breathe." he shouted over the roar of the fire. **

**Tyson realized how big it was, now that he felt the heat pushing against him. He found the wall and used it to guide himself down the hall.**

"**We've got to get Takao!" Tyson told his older brother, only recognizing him by voice.**

"**Dad's already gotten him outside. I came back to get you." he said.**

**Tyson breathed in a lung full of hot air and gasped. The heat seemed unbearable and it became worse as they traveled downstairs. **

"**We're almost to the door, Tyson. Hang on. Tyson? Tyson!" yelled Hiro. He felt his little brother's arm go limp and the fall.**

**He turned around, trying to make out where he was. Bending down, he touched the ground and then a body.**

"**Tyson." he shouted, but the child didn't respond. He grabbed Tyson by the waist and carried him down the rest of the flight. **

**He saw the door open and with a last burst of strength, emerged from the blazing inferno that had once been there home.**

**Hiro dropped to the ground on his knees, exhausted from the energy spent on saving his younger sibling. Looking up wearily, he saw Takao standing by a tree.**

"**Tyson!" he shouted happily and ran to where his brothers were laying. When he saw Tyson on the ground he yelled.**

"**Hiro! What did you do to my brother?" Takao demanded, hands on hips, he waited for an explanation.**

"**He collapsed because it was too hot downstairs. He'll be fine."**

**Just then Tyson groaned and opened his eyes.**

"**Tyson." Takao jumped on his twin and crushed him in a fierce hug.**

"**Air would be nice." Tyson choked out and his brother released him. They both laughed.**

"**I'm glad you're okay, Tyson. You had me worried for a little bit."**

**Just then Hiro noticed something was wrong.**

"**Takao, where's Dad and Mom?" he asked as he felt the weight of a heavy stone settle inside his stomach.**

"**Daddy brought me out here but then he went back inside to save Mommy." said the younger child fearfully.**

**The three siblings watched on as the fire engulfed what had once been there home. Suddenly an ear-piercing scream sounded from the house.**

"**MOMMY!" Tyson screamed and ran towards the house.**

"**Tyson. Get back here! It's dangerous to go back inside!" Hiro yelled. He chased after him but, still tired from the earlier events, he was unable to catch up with him.**

**Tyson entered the house and immediately felt the heat pressing against him. Terrified he looked around him, trying to recognize the surroundings. A piece of wood fell and sent a shower of sparks into the air. The house creaked and another piece of wood began to fall. This time, towards Tyson. He screamed and began to run towards the exit but tripped over something and fell. The flaming wood rushed down to meet him and landed on his left leg. Tyson let out another scream as the wood seared his leg. Flames licked the skin, burning it until it blistered. **

"**TYSON!" he heard someone yell and then darkness came crashing down on his mind.**

**He woke up in the hospital three days after the incident. His leg was heavily bandaged and hurt so much he wondered if the fire was still burning underneath it. Unsure of where he was, he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hiro sitting on a chair. **

**Tyson could tell that his older brother was upset and decided it was time to come back to the world of the living.**

"**Hiro." he whispered. In an instant, Hiro was by his bed.**

"**Tyson. You scared the life out of me. You know better than to go into a building when it's on fire. You could have died." he scolded lightly, still thankful that his brother was alive. **

"**But I didn't." Tyson said simply. "Where's Takao and Mommy and Daddy?"**

**Hiro froze. He wasn't sure how to answer that question.**

"**Takao is outside with another doctor. He's just being checked to make sure he didn't get hurt in any way."**

"**Where's Mommy and Daddy?" Tyson insisted. Hiro sighed and then wiped a tear from his eyes.**

"**They never made it out Tyson. They're gone." he said slowly, as if he couldn't believe it himself.**

"**Mommy? And Daddy? Gone?" his small voice repeated. Tyson burst into tears and cried. He sobbed until he could hardly breathe and then buried himself into Hiro's baggy shirt. Grasping at it with his fists he asked, "Where are we gonna go?"**

"**We are all going to go live with Grandpa. You and you're brother and I are all going to live with him. Don't be scared. I promise I won't let anything happen to you." Hiro reassured his younger brother.**

"**Tyson." he heard his twin brother's voice. Takao ran to Tyson's bed and then the two boys hugged each other tightly.**

**End flashback---------------**

"Tyson! Tyson!" someone was gripping his shoulders tightly, shaking him hard. He heard a voice calling his name but his body didn't seem to obey. Tyson was falling, falling into oblivion.

"Tyson!" the voice called one more time and then everything swirled together.

Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Rei sat with his head down in the intensive care unit. Long black hair messed about his face, covering blank, unseeing golden eyes. Deep blue bags underneath them gave him an aged appearance despite his youthful body.

His mind went back to Tyson's still, pale, frame inside the ambulance. The fear that had coursed through his body remained throughout the long journey to the hospital. Doctors and nurses had rushed him into the elevator and up several stories. Unable to stabilize the teen, they had taken him to the ICU. Several hours later, Rei had finally been allowed in to see him. He hadn't left the room since then.

Tyson's grandfather, Kai, and Max had all been notified and were on their way to the hospital. Rei felt like crying but couldn't. He moved his chair as close to Tyson's bed as possible and stared at his unmoving frame. Dark eyelashes rested on tan cheeks, the brown eyes behind them imprisoned in darkness.

He reached out a shaking, tentative hand and touched the soft blue hair surrounding Tyson's face. He could hear the steady hiss of air escape from his lover's mouth. The heartbeat monitor's continuos bleep was lost in the back round as Rei's vision blurred. Resting his head next to Tyson, Rei fell into a deep sleep.

**Dream**

"Tyson. Why did you have to go and leave me like that in the cemetery? I was so scared." asked Rei. He and Tyson were laying in a open field as an ending storm blew warm raindrops into their faces. The air was cool, comfortable, and smelled of damp earth and rain.

"I didn't want to, Rei. Please believe me. I don't even know what's going on right now. Some..." Tyson hesitated. "...Memories came back to me and I lost control over them." he finished.

"You lost control over memories?" Rei tilted his head curiously and waited for him to explain.

"Since the day I was born, I had the power to control my memories. I remembered everything I wanted to, and locked the unpleasant ones away. I never felt sad or anything unless I wanted to. But then some memories escaped, and I started having flashbacks of things I didn't like. Things I locked away. I didn't have power anymore and slowly my control grew less and less. It was chaos in my head. Pure chaos." Tyson said.

"What did you remember?"

"I remembered my parents' death. Dad woke up when he smelled smoke and ran to get Takao. He was able to get him safely outside while Hiro, who was also awake, grabbed me. By the time we got outside, the house was mostly engulfed in flames. I saw my brother, but I didn't see my dad. Takao said that he had gone back inside to save my mom. I ran inside. A flaming beam fell on my leg." Tyson rolled up his left pant leg and showed him the large scar that covered almost his entire calf and went down to his ankle.

'So that's why he never wears shorts.' thought Rei.

"They never made it out. They didn't even stand a chance. That's why I live with Grandpa. Of course, now I don't know if I'll even live." he said with a small smile.

"Tyson. You have to live. I won't leave unless you do." Rei threatened.

"I think I'd like that." he said slyly. Just then, the sky began to blur and lightning struck the ground. Rain poured down as Rei and Tyson hugged each other for what they both thought could be the last time.

"I'll fight. I promise. I'll fight to the bitter end." Tyson whispered as the area surrounding them disappeared.

**Pant! Pant! Man that was a long chapter. Yes. I decided that there was going to be another chapter. I can't leave it hanging and I need time to think of a good way to end this. Should Tyson live, or not live? That is the question. Voting poles are open and I'm counting. And of course you all know that the next chapter won't be quite as long as this one is. I wasn't sure I was ever going to finish it. 10 whole pages! Okay. I'm outta here. Everyone else, that's your cue. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome to the second chapter. Alright, alright. Nobody liked the second chapter because both Tyson and Rei die in it, so I edited it, and now I'm sort of asking for everyone to reread it. I don't know how to end this so whatever comes into my head is what's going on this page. Hope everyone likes this better. Review replies will be posted after the final chapter. (There may be more)**

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**Chapter 2.**

Pain, pain, and more pain. That was all Tyson had ever known and now he was in it again. Shuddering breaths escaped from his nearly colorless lips. The blood loss was tremendous and the doctors had only just managed to stitch his wrists up. Chances were he required a blood transfusion, but the hospital could not find a matching blood type. They needed O negative and no one in Tyson's remaining family had the same blood.

'_Why do my wrists hurt so much? What happened to me? Am I still alive?' _Tyson asked himself.

Rei picked his head up as a audible groan was heard from his lover. Tyson's face was cold and pale, and his navy blue hair clashed with the clean whiteness of the pillow and sheets.

"Tyson?" Rei asked and gently shook his pale frame. Sickly brown eyes opened, over-bright and glazed with pain.

"Hi, Rei. Long time, no see, huh?" he asked. He breathed in, felt dizzy, and closed his eyes until the spell had passed.

"You idiot! What were you thinking. Why did you try to kill yourself? Do you have any idea..." Rei stopped when he noticed his boyfriend had fallen back asleep.

"Tyson..." Rei's voice trailed off. There was a sound and Rei turned to a small, petite nurse standing at the doorway.

She entered quietly and asked if she could speak with him outside in the hallway.

"Are you Rei Kon?" she questioned.

"Yes. Why?" he replied.

"I don't know if you know this, but Tyson is going to need a blood transfusion. However, we have no one who matches his blood type. He will be able to survive without one, but he will have to remain here for a longer period of time. Also, we have a policy here at this hospital. If anyone is brought to this place because they attempted suicide, we are required to send them to a psychiatrist as soon as they are able to go." the woman handed him a recommendation form and walked off, leaving him to stand there confused in his thoughts.

'_How am I going to get Tyson to go to a shrink? There is no way in hell that I'm going to be able to get him to go. And a blood transfusion? What type is his blood anyway?'_

Rei went back into the room and sat down, watching Tyson's chest rise and fall. He felt as though he were a leaky boat caught in a tempest of emotions. Decisions, worries, and memories dragged him down, pulling him further and further inside his own head.

He was so lost in thought that it took him nearly two minutes to register that someone had placed a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he quickly turned to see two deep, bubble-gum pink eyes.

"Mariah!" he said loudly and jumped back a little.

"Oh, Rei. I'm so sorry about what happened to Tyson. Are you okay?" she asked, pulling him into a tight hug.

The tears escaped from Rei's eyes before he could stop them. The pink-haired teen patted his back soothingly for a few moments before letting go. He stared into her eyes, which were full of a seriousness uncharacteristic of the girl.

"Rei. I'm going to donate some of my blood to help Tyson. After that, it's up to you to make sure he gets better."

"What? You mean, you have O negative blood?" he asked.

"Yeah. O is considered the universal donor, but it can only receive from O. Since I have O blood, I can donate to Tyson. I've already had all the preliminary tests done, just to make sure I'm healthy and that I'm not infected with any diseases. It's a green light from here on out."

"Thank you..." was all Rei could manage before he felt a small prick on his arm. His eyelids drooped and he fell asleep almost instantly.

"Much appreciated. He sure could use some rest. Thank you for helping me Mariah." a nurse said as she carefully capped the needle.

"You are definitely right about that. How long will the sedation take to wear off?" the teen turned to look at the warm, cherub-like nurse.

"It'll last long enough to take the blood from you and give it to Tyson. He will probably wake up around 10:00pm if he's lucky." the woman said.

"Now, if you'll please come with me. We need to get that blood drawn. Tyson really need it." the plump nurse waved her hands towards the door.

Mariah nodded and followed quickly behind her. The nurse led her to a small cubicle not too far outside of the room they had just left. The plump woman gestured to a faded green patients bed while she readied the needle and blood bag.

Mariah sat down and extended her arm as the nurse approached her with the needle in her hand. She breathed in a little as the small needle punctured her vein. Red liquid swirled through the tubing and began to fill up the bag. The pink-haired girl yawned as the sudden removal of blood took its toll.

The woman gently removed the needle from the now-sleeping girl and immediately took the blood to Tyson's room. She was surprised to find both Rei and Tyson awake.

"Nurse." said Rei. His voice was a whisper, still hindered by the sedative. Rei pointed to Tyson's heart-beat monitor, which was emitting erratic pulses. Tyson twisted and turned in his bed, flailing his limbs wildly before an eerie stillness stole across the room. A sharp steady sound penetrated through the white cubicle.

"He's flat-lined! We need a doctor in here NOW!" she yelled into the hallway.

Rei watched as four doctors in pristine white lab coats rushed into the room. Two of them were pushing a large machine while one held two metal things attached by a cord to the machine. The rolled the machine over to Tyson's bed. One smeared a clear gel onto the metal packs and the rubbed them together.

"Clear!" they said and pressed the two packs against Tyson's bare chest. The boy's body contracted into the air and then landed with a thump on the bed.

A sigh of relief filled the room as the heartbeat monitor flared back up. The four doctors left the room and the atmosphere of desperation dissipated.

Rei watched in horror, although he could barely keep his eyes open. Everything he saw seemed to be going in flashes. It was making him light-headed and he closed his eyes, wishing it would stop. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes. Everything in his vision tunneled before he saw darkness.

He woke up two hours later, just as the sun was beginning to set. He yawned and opened his eyes slowly. He was surprised when he did not see Tyson in his bed. Panic flared through him, heart pumping quickly as he began to consider what might have happened to him.

A nurse walked in, the same one that had attended to Tyson.

"Where is he?" Rei asked, standing up quickly.

The nurse was silent, but it spoke volumes to Rei, and realization hit him forcefully.

"You mean..." Rei whispered.

"We were able to stabilize him the first time he went into cardiac arrest. You fainted then, and a few minutes later his condition changed again. I'm afraid there just wasn't enough oxygen going through his body and his heart gave up. I'm so sorry." she said and moved to hug him.

His mouth went dry and his entire body trembled with a sorrow that threatened to consume him. Instead of letting himself be hugged, he swerved around the nurse and began to run.

"Rei!" he heard a female's voice shout, but he ignored it. He rushed down the hallway and into a bathroom.

His fingers fumbled with the razorblade, but he managed to get it out of his pocket without slicing his hands. He tugged the sleeve of his right arm hastily and put the blade to his skin.

Instead of piercing his flesh with the metal and pulling it diagonally across, he turned his arm over and stared at the flawless sin before him. He placed the razor at a point and dragged it vertically down five inches before stopping.

Blood poured out of the incision, dripping onto the tiles. He felt it burn, but the pain inside him did not diminish. He cut again, making a similar mark on the opposite side of his vein.

'_Stupid. Why can't I just die and get it over with. There is no reason for me to be here anymore...unless.' _Rei hesitated.

He flung the wickedly sharp blade in the tiny plastic trash can next to the toilet. The cold water went on in the faucet, and his blood tainted the pure water crimson. Holding the wound above his heart, he wrapped nearly the entire toilet paper roll, which was almost new, around his arm.

Rei darted out of the bathroom and saw what he was looking for. A cart of medical supplies had been left temporarily abandoned as the R.N. pushing them stopped to check on a patient.

Using his speed, he dashed to the cart and pulled out a box of butterfly strips and gauze, and then retreated once again to the bathroom.

He removed the toilet paper, which was starting to turn the very last layer of the bandage red. He washed his arm to remove the sticky substance and used the butterfly strips to hold the two cuts closed. He wrapped some gauze around the wound to absorb any blood that might seep out.

Carefully Rei pulled down his sleeve, making sure not to disturb the wrapping. He started to walk forward, but instead collapsed, light-headed, on the floor.

The lights blurred in front of his eyes. He gripped his arm lightly, grimaced, and stood back up. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes to calm his shaken nerves.

A slight tingling spread through both arms, all the way up to his shoulders. He pulled up his baggy sweatshirt sleeves and saw that all of his scars were returning. The ones that his sister had healed and removed came back, appearing slowly back in their places.

'_I'm sorry, Reyna. I failed you.' _he thought with a pang of guilt.

"I overdid it this time." Rei muttered hatefully, fixing his sleeves. He stalked out of tiny room.

His neko jin abilities allowed him to function normally and speedily reproduced red blood cells to replace the many he had lost. Within a few minutes, the disorientation had subsided and it was like nothing had happened to him.

Once outside of the building, he broke into a run. He continued to run along the sidewalk, sneakers pounding over and over into the cement in rhythm with his heartbeat.

'_He can't be gone. Tyson...he can't be gone. He promised he wouldn't leave me..he promised!' _thought Rei. _'This is all a lie. Tyson was never at the hospital. He's probably home right now with Hilary or Kai.'_

He nodded, believing himself, even though in the back of his mind he knew that it was a lie. He started to walk, but then picked up speed and ran.

Houses flashed by him in star-bursts, blurred not only by movement but by the tears he refused to let out. Tyson's house wasn't that far from here.

'_He's probably waiting for me right now.' _the black-haired teen thought. _'Tyson, I'm going to seriously hurt you for playing around with me like that.'_

Rei stopped for a break, resting his hands on his knees. Sweat covered his face and plastered his hair to his forehead.

He pealed off his sweatshirt, revealing a plain black muscle shirt, and used it to wipe his face dry. As he did, he caught a glimpse of his arms and winced.

Deep, transparent pink scars covered most of the skin on his left arm. His right arm was currently occupied by a bandage from the cuts he had made in the hospital, but underneath the bandage were similar scars. Rounded circles of dark flesh marred the undersides of both limbs; burn marks from a car's cigarette lighter. On his wrists, raised scars slashed back and forth enough to tell anyone that he'd tried several times to take his own life.

'_None of which were successful.' _Rei thought bitterly. _'Only because I hesitated...only because I held back...only because of my love for Tyson did I stop.' _

Shivering despite the humid warmth of the coming night, he rubbed his hands up and down his shoulders. He shrank inwardly. Feeling his arms reminded him of a lizard's skin, rough and uneven.

"Dammit!" he swore loudly and angrily threw his sweatshirt on the ground. He looked both ways several times, amber eyes scanning for witnesses. There were none. He kicked the black sweatshirt a few times, left the dirty thing on the ground, and then dashed across the street and ran to Tyson's house.

He stood for several moments to gather his thoughts together, but all hope was lost when the door opened.

Hilary stared, eyes bloodshot and puffy from crying.

"Rei?" she whispered in a small voice, a voice that Rei had trouble recognizing as Hilary's.

Kai appeared next and uncharacteristically wrapped a careful arm around her to sooth the emotional girl. She turned and sobbed into his shoulder.

Max came then, and grabbed Rei's hand to pull him in. He pushed the hand aside but did not move to enter. Max's hand fell limply to his side.

"So you've heard?" asked Kai. His voice was strangely distant and it sounded hollow to Rei.

"Where is Tyson?" he demanded, pushing past them into the dojo.

At the mention of the recently deceased friend's name, Hilary burst freely into tears and hugged Kai so hard that he winced slightly, but said nothing to her.

"Rei. Come inside. We all need to sit down and talk." Kai said calmly, though his eyes betrayed the mask on his face.

"Where is Tyson? I know he is here, isn't he? Where is he!" Rei shouted.

A loud snap, like a firecracker exploding, sounded and then everything went deadly quiet.

Rei stood, stunned, and brought up a trembling hand to his stinging cheek. Hilary had slapped him. She glared at him hatefully with tear-filled eyes.

"He's gone, Rei! He...isn't here anymore. The hospital called. We all know you were there. We all know he...he...t-took his own life!" she finished ranting and broke off into sobs again.

"Come inside, Rei." Kai said and narrowed his eyes.

Numbly, he nodded, and the door closed behind him. All three sat on couches in the living room. Kai sat down with Hilary, who refused to leave his side. Max sank into a worn grey recliner while Rei slowly lowered himself onto a love seat.

"What's happened to you, Rei? You aren't..." Kai stopped, at a loss of words. "You aren't the same person we used to know. You've changed." he finished after a few seconds.

It was as Kai stated it. The Chinese beyblader had changed, and only now, as Kai said it, did he realize how much he hand changed.

"I'm not..." he began hopelessly.

"When did you start that?" Kai asked, noticing the many thick-lined scars that covered Rei's arms all the way up to his shoulders.

"Start...what." Rei spoke slowly. He sounded as lost as he felt.

"Those scars didn't get there by themselves, Rei Kon." Kai said coldly and Rei winced at the use of his full name.

"It's been four years since I started. I cut today." he said, not caring the effect his words roused from the others.

"What!" came Max's soft exclamation. He looked at Rei, at the aforementioned scars, at the bandage on his arm, and then finally looked at Rei again.

His face was pale and drawn, with huge, dark purple bags beneath his eyes. At a closer look, you could see that his eyes were also slightly red with tiredness. Max noticed how thin his friend was; saw how fragile he seemed despite his young age. Although only sixteen, Rei radiated the sad aura of a man broken down and worn by age.

"You have changed, Rei." Max said, his voice a few decibels above a whisper. The exhausted teen stood up.

The mousy-haired teen scooted closer to Kai, if that was even possible. She watched Rei fearfully, afraid he would suddenly erupt in anger.

Instead, his shoulders slumped in a pitiful image of defeat. A sigh escaped his lips, and without a word, he slipped out the door, and closed it behind him, his back turned eternally against his friends.

He retraced his footsteps slowly, not sure if someone would come out of the dojo and stop him. No one came. He walked blindly onward, letting his feet take him wherever they wanted. When he stopped, he blinked and looked down, staring at a previously abused and disowned sweatshirt. He picked it up and brushed the dust and dirt off of it.

Slipping it on over his shirt brought him a rush of superficial relief. It did nothing to help the feeling of overwhelming grief inside his heart and mind.

"What the hell is wrong with me!" he shouted furiously at himself. "Tyson's gone forever and he's not coming back! Just get it through my head already!"

The streets were empty and deserted. A slow breeze blew a few pieces of dirty newspaper around in a circle, buffeting them against a trash can. He stood, in the yellow-orange gaze of the sunset, feeling more alone than he had ever felt before.

The tears came then, small at first, but they turned into a stream of clear, salty, liquid that stained his cheeks.

He wiped them with one dark sweatshirt sleeve, and then looked at himself in disgust. "I'm pathetic. Crying won't bring him back. Nothing can." He spoke out loud. Walking onward, though he had no idea where, it began to sink into him that his boyfriend really and truly was gone.

The first thing Rei decided that night was that he was going to commit suicide. As he thought about it, he seemed to like the idea more and more.

'_It will be the end to my problems. No one will care. I can slip off the face of this world forever, and I can be with Tyson. Kai and Max and Hilary will miss me, but they will move on. They will forget about me. They don't need me. I...I can't live without Tyson. He loved me. He accepted me. He understood me. Without him...I am worth nothing. He made me worth something.'_

He realized that he had broken once again into a sprint, although why he hadn't noticed it immediately, he wasn't sure. As he stopped, he looked around and discovered he was near the flower place where it had been raining the day before.

"The Dying Roses Cemetery. I wonder...I wonder if they will bury Tyson next to his brother." a slanted smile crossed his face.

"It would suit him." he murmured and more tears cascaded down his cheeks.

As if the heavens felt his pain, clouds gathered overhead and rain began to fall. Raindrops pit-patted on the leaves and rolled off onto the ground. The night grew colder, damper, darker, like the emotions that engulfed his body.

Rei was broken, inside and out. Hollow through-and-through. Devastated by the loss of the only person he cared about, he felt crushed by sadness and pain.

"It's...all going to be over soon. Maybe...I should visit their graves one last time." he spoke to himself.

Wind bowed the trees, dipping their branches lower and lower until they swept the ground. Even with the rain, Rei's sensitive nose could smell the salt of the ocean.

A burdened soul heavy with guilt, sorrow, and tremendous depression made his way sluggishly up through the winding path to his sister's burial site.

"Reyna." he whispered, but through the steady deluge of rain, nothing was heard.

His black hair pasted itself to the back of his shirt. He wanted to cry, no, he wanted to scream, but this time the tears did not come. There was only silence and the monotonous sound of water hitting the earth.

Rei turned his back and walked farther up to where Takao's grave sat up on the hill.

"You've finally gotten to see your brother again, after all these years. Maybe...when I find Tyson again, I can meet you too." he said.

With his only task before death completed, he turned and left. He knew where he was going in his heart. He knew as he retraced his footsteps back through to the street, where he would be going.

It was approaching midnight when Rei arrived at his destination. Before him stood the entire ocean, and behind him stood all of his troubles. He stepped forward onto the beach.

"I like to walk on the ocean at night and feel the sand between my toes."

Rei whipped around, hearing Tyson's voice, but saw nothing.

"It sounded like he was right behind me." Rei spoke lowly in awe. Shaking his head, he kicked off his shoes and socks and began trudging through the loose sand. He didn't mind the shells that occasionally pricked his feet, nor did he mind the slippery wetness of the seaweed that he trod upon.

A rocky ledge came into Rei's vision despite the rain. He neared it and rested a hand on the rough rock to catch his breath.

A minute or so later, he climbed up the rock. It wasn't difficult. There were many deep crevices that made perfect handholds for pulling himself up.

Reaching the top, Rei could see that he was easily twenty feet above the ground. He gazed solemnly at the choppy ocean waters in front of him. Rain pelted the vast body of water ahead of him, causing huge black waves to rise and crash on the surface of the sand.

The sky was dark and thick with storm clouds. Lightning flashed within them, creating an eerie effect. A moonbeam struck Rei's face, and he looked up to see the moon through a hole in the clouds.

It startled him for a moment as he stared at his beauty. It was only a quarter moon, but you could see the rest of the darkened moon if you looked closely enough, or if you had vision like Rei's.

"It's like my soul." he whispered.

"Its all there, but not all of it is seen, and not all of it is light."

The moon disappeared behind more clouds and Rei was left in the dark. His heartbeat had quickened during his observation of the celestial body, and it raced in his chest now.

He took one step forward, and then another, until he was standing on the very edge of the cliff.

"Tyson. I'm coming!" he shouted.

He raised his arms shoulder high and started to lean forward. Suddenly an arm grabbed his shoulder and he was yanked backwards roughly. Rei stumbled back, falling onto the rock and cutting his knees on the sharp tiny rocks embedded in the larger one he was on.

"What the hell do you think your doing Rei!" two crimson eyes flashed at him.

"K-k-kai?" Rei asked, fear and grief making his voice come out small and high-pitched.

"We all lost Tyson, but I refuse to let you leave us too. Come back with me, Rei. I can get you help."

"I don't want to live anymore! Tyson's gone. He's the only person who cared about me. He loved me!" Rei shouted. Tears cascaded down his cheeks, though you couldn't tell with the rain crashing down overhead.

"That isn't true. I care about you, and so does Hilary, and Max, and Kenny. We're all here to support you. And I...I am not about to lose another friend!" Kai said determinedly. He grasped Rei's hand and pulled him up.

"Kai..." Rei spoke slowly. The heavy weight that had been tortuously sitting on his back lifted. His head nodded in thanks and he fell limp against the other teen.

A smile stained Kai's face before being washed away by concern. Carefully, he bent down and hoisted Rei onto his back. Arms dangling lifelessly over his shoulders, he cautiously scaled down the miniature mountain and began the long, wet, walk home.

**Okay everyone. Now what did you think of that? I decided that since only one person reviewed, I ought to change it and then ask for everyone's opinion. This won't be the end. There will be another chapter. I don't know why, but I like the idea of this story and wanted to toy with it some more. Only thing is, I've got no idea where it's headed. I've got no direction, but I do have a slightly vague plan for later on. I don't know when the next update will be because I've got other stories to update and each chapter for this fanfic is a very long ten pages. Not to mention the fact that I go back to school tomorrow. Thanks for reading (again). Yours truly, Bottlecaps.**


End file.
